16 days 4 hours 59 minutes

the wedding planning phase is (finally) coming to an end.

• invitations-- check
• ring-- check
• videographer-- check
• DJ-- check
• pictures-- check
• signing book-- check
• flowers-- check
• suits/ties-- check
• dress… TBD
• temple… check
• marriage license… TBD
• cake-- check
• substitute-- check
• hair/make up… TBD

with all of these materialistic things still to do it almost makes me forget the true meaning of my wedding… (sorta like the true meaning of Christmas) and that being, marrying the best human.  The only thing standing between me and my husband is time.  

 like I always say… "only 16 days, 4 hours and 59 minutes"

OR.

I need to go back to Oregon
 where nothing else matters but the ocean, whales, starfish, pinetrees, my sister, brother in law, Lillie,  chili & corn bread, movies, pumpkins, flowers, sweatpants, skipbo, and my husband.

a glimpse of back when life was easy. 

but like I always say... "dont cry because its over, smile because it happened"

hahaha just kidding. but seriously, S/O to my sister and her husband for making the trip possible & amazing.  

and thanks to Bryan for taking time off to let us escape wedding plans and crazy work schedules and forget about life for a few days <3

An Ode to the Exes.

Where would we be in life if it wasn't for our experiences?
Ever since Bryan discovered my blog, I have done some reflecting on past posts on my view on love.  I have always loved love, that has been apparent.  It is just crazy for me to see now that everything I have ever wanted in love is all I have and more in Bryan.  
If it wasn't for all my past experiences through dates, heartbreaks, and so on... maybe I would be a different person because of it. Maybe it wouldn't have lead me to Bryan. That's a pretty depressing thought if you ask me. 

I went to dinner with a friend and we were discussing the importance of timing in all things.  In life, neither of us have had things turn out the way we had thought they would, but are so grateful they hadn't.  It is hard to explain, but I feel like every event that took place in my life lead to me meeting and marrying Bryan.  From big events such as family deaths, to moving, University decisions, mission timing, internship placement, and even Bryan dating my 3 best high school friends--  The whole entire thing to me is so crazy it almost blows my mind!

Anyways... let's take it back to the days of single version of me.  That Single Slice of Beefcake version I should say. 
Back in my prime... I enjoyed life.  I have dated truly ANY and EVERY type of human there is out there.  I've dated basically every race, tall, short, funny, serious, successful, stalker, albino, redneck-- you name it, I've been there and done it. I loved dating in my younger years (back when I was hip-- ha)and had fun along the way. 

As far as ex boyfriends go... you've heard the story.  I explained my "puppy love" and my so-called "first love" and that whole thing. I've let people live in the friend-zone while I eat their hearts out for years at a time (yeah, I'm still sorry about that one). I never wanted to be anyone's girlfriend and in 5 weeks I'm going to be somebody's wife. Crazy how life works out.

I'm not a dating expert, I'm just a girl who could ramble my average opinion about the things I've seen in life.  It's just that I've been in too many relationships where I unconsciously have changed myself to fit into the life of that person. that would have never worked! eventually, my creepy, awkward, and weird self would have come out and then what? I would have been sad, single, & screwed. 
I've seen too many people too deep in relationships that they can't seem to find themselves out of it.  They can't let go because of the familiarity. However, neither are happy and they spend most of their time fighting and breaking up.  that is NOT love.  That is an addiction.  Break ups are ALWAYS hard, you are not the exception.  Get over yourself and give yourself the respect and happiness that you deserve.  I promise it's out there.   
I don't exactly believe that "love conquers all".  If I would have followed that dream at age 17-- my husband would be a camo-wearing animal-killing truck-driving machine.  At 17, I was that "oh it's okay honey-- I 'love you' no matter what!" YEAH RIGHT! I would lit'rally bawl my eyes out all day every day if I had to have dead animals heads in my house for the rest of my life.  i wouldn't want to ask him to give up his passion, but I wouldn't want to allow something I am so morally against either.  All relationships give and take, but not in this situations. You can't both win.
I have seen too many of my friends settle for people they KNEW weren't good for them, but just wanted to fill up some time.  The way I see it-- DON'T DO IT! You will be spending time with losers rather than working on hobbies, building friendships, making money, etc.  And not notice the people around you who truly do have potential! Don't waste your time- it's just not worth it when you know it's not going anywhere anyway. been there, done that. 
Just because you were right for someone at one point, doesn't mean you always will be.  I owe my ex boyfriend Parker a shout out for that, and my friend Lexi.  Because of these two truly great people, Bryan and I were able to learn so much about ourselves and what we want in a relationship.  I no bitterness towards either ex because of the lessons that they have taught both Bryan and I in our lives.  They are just something that happened that I have no regrets over.  and I'm truly grateful for that.   Because of you, I have learned what true love really is.

Since the first time I kissed Bryan, it has only been him. And I'm grateful for that. Don't settle for anything that makes you absolutely happy, giddy, and excited.  I realize it won't always be like that, but why start with anything less?

But like I always say... "I don't miss you, but I remember you; you taught a lesson and for that I give you gratitude"

things that matter.

things that matter.

     Love                                                          Happiness

                Health

                                 Family

Relationships

Education

        Birthdays

                                                        Traditions

                          Enough Money to Survive

                                                        Religion

   Freedom              Passion

Basic Needs

                    Environment 

Improvement

Animals

feelings                           Nature

things that don't.

            Celebrity Gossip                                

Past Mistakes

Exes 

  Petty Arguments

                       Things You Can't Change

                            Drama

Body Fat Percentage

      Small Details-- people don't actually notice

                      Test Scores

teaching.

My job is by far the most challenging but one of the best things I have ever done.

Each day I am exhausted from trying to control/teach/praise/help over 30 crazy three and four year olds.  How did this happen? I mean me... a preschool teacher? nah! But somehow it did... which for many reasons- some spiritual, some convenience, some perfection, I took it.

I see so many things on a daily basis.  I have kids running around, hitting each other, throwing things, having accidents, trying to escape, flooding the bathroom, yelling inappropriate things, etc. that makes me just want to scream sometimes!
But then... I have kids who interrupt me right before I get mad and say "Miss Rachelle, I love you!" and who hug me every time they see me in the morning and always before they leave.  Kids who wake up at 6 am because they can't WAIT to come back to school! It really is special.

Things have been extremely difficult these first few weeks.  My very first week I had the struggle of teaching a classroom with LITERALLY no furniture.  I tried to explain rules and regulations and tried to make the most out of nothing.  Sitting on the floor, reading books, and playing with a kitchen set I brought from home was what filled up our first week.  On a weekly basis we get lots of new kids (7 new kids this week) and it's hard starting back at square one trying to re-teach the classroom rules.

Luckily I have a lot of help on my awesome team! It's just unfortunate that they can't always be there-- when things get a little rowdy, I have to be the one taking full responsibility.

I never thought I would see myself LESSON PLANNING.  This isn't babysitting... this is full on teaching and preparing kids for kindergarten.  No pressure... just shaping children's futures basically.

One of my two classes has been extremely difficult this week and I have left work in tears on a regular basis, wondering HOW I am going to continue with this job if I can't control the class-- no one listens, and I can hardly teach a lesson long enough to keep any students engaged.  On top of that, majority of my class are students with English as a second language!! You try teaching kids who have no clue what you are saying.. I dare you.  Its some tough stuff. It's exhausting and I am tired 100% of my life.

When people ask me how work is going it's hard to explain.  It's been an extremely difficult week, but I'm sticking it out.  I can't traumatize these kids and abandon them at such a crucial time in their lives (early development, come on!) This job requires much more work than I had intended.  I am constantly referring back to my social work skills I developed in school and am trying to develop the teaching skills I was never given.

No really-- I do love my job. I love my kids.  I am extremely fortunate. but it's just really, really hard.

but like I always say... "is it Thursday yet?"

the happiest.

I do just have to say... 

that the best part about being engaged is having everyone tell me how happy I look since Bryan. 

and they are right. sometimes I feel like I'm floating. or glowing. 

and I am 100% convinced that there really is no love like our love. 

Happy 7 weeks from today, babe.

September Fourteenth

Let me just start by saying that September 14 was the best day of my life...

Something that started out as a little secret has become my entire life.  

I have known Bryan since high school.  Coincidently, he dated all 4 of my high school friends before he got to me. We have been decent friends for 7 years (although I never wrote him on his mission... sorry about that)and we started dating my last semester at USU.  Because of the bitterness of the situation of him dating one of my friends, even though deep down I knew I had a crush on him I could NEVER admit it.  All of my friends would ask why we WEREN'T dating because "we would be the best couple" and "had so much chemistry", and I would always respond "oh, I never could because of Lexi..." and never thought that we actually would. 

It all started when I worked for a little internship called SAAVI.  I had a big event coming up called Walk a Mile in Her Shoes-- and if I didn't bug the crap out of you about it, you must not know me at all.  It turned out I needed a male to walk around campus with me to hang up flyers in all of the restrooms to help promote the event.  I'm not exactly sure why, but he agreed to do it. twice. 
The first time we did it I heard ALL the details to his love life and I gave him advice.  I told him ALL the details of this crush I had at work.  I was had a bit of a rough time last year and Bryan was always there helping motive me and giving me support.  We started hanging out more, and one night somehow we kissed...  The rest is history.  

We really never left each others side at that point until he left me for Texas to go do summer sales (a contract he signed before we started hanging out). Before he left he told me he was going to put everything he had into us, but then we would see what would happen when he left.  When he left that night I cried a little bit and told him to call me when he got there.  It was funny because we didn't stop texting basically the whole drive down there.  We had FaceTime date nights and I had a strict schedule of being home by 10 pm every night so that we could talk for a few hours before bed.  I seriously cherished those phone calls because I learned so much about him while he was gone this summer.  Not two days into him being in Texas he told me I should visit him, and I did.  
That trip to Texas literally changed my life. I knew I loved him, but it kinda freaked me out because it all happened so fast, but it was so natural and so right. Things started to get really hard the end of July with the distance, and summer sales weren't working out as he had expected.  He and his boss decided it would be better for him if he just went home early.  30 hours later I was picking him up from the airport. 
Since then, everything has changed for the better.  I was offered a job as a Preschool teacher the day he got home and we had to decide what would be best since the job is a 1 year commitment.  He told me he would go to USU and we could do long distance.  A week later he dropped all of his classes at USU, sold his contract and decided to stay at home. During all these big changes we had so much fun, fell more in love, and decided we should marry each other (as if it was SO average).  

The thing I love about this is that I really just had this idea of what I thought love was; I was wrong.  I thought I had a pretty good idea of what my life was going to look like; I was wrong.  And I am so happy I was.  I had no idea that someone could make me weirder and SO much happier. I am so completely in love with him I just wish I could scream it at the top of my lungs, because I feel like no one understands.  

On Saturday morning, Bryan asked if he could take me to breakfast and surprised me with a bouquet of my favorite flowers, and a small box labeled "not a bomb"-- (inside joke we have had since we were "just friends") but told me it wasn't what I thought (i literally said "I know" because who proposes at 11 am on a Saturday?) and inside was this necklace. 

It had so much significance to it because when he was away in Texas I told him I just wished I could shrink him like Honey I Shrunk the Kids and carry him around in a jar with me so that I could just take him around with me (yeah, I'm partially psycho).  and he actually found a tiny jar so I actually COULD have him with me.  When I saw the words in the necklace I saw Bryan get down on one knee and ask me if I would marry him.  I was basically in shock and I think I even asked him if I was serious and put on my dream ring-- yes, a simple but perfect round solitaire ring. He did a good job. 

Since that week we have majority of our wedding booked and just got our week honeymoon in Cancun finalized.  

I just didn't see myself as someone who would be so excited to get married and be in love, but I have never been more excited for anything in my whole life.  

I just feel sorry for everyone who isn't me and isn't marrying Bryan.  That's all. 

I love him. and November 21 could not come soon enough.