I love reading, I really do... I just have a hard time making it a priority during the school year. Things get pretty crazy in between two jobs, classes, internship, dating, friends, and keeping up with the enjoyable things in love. So, I decided to treat myself because of the occasion and I read a great book, Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbsoky.
I saw the movie when it first came out, and I loved it! It's a "my people" kind of movie... coming of age-esque which are my favorite. In short, the movie is sort of a misfit kid just trying to find his place in high school. Charlie, the main character, goes through a series of misfortunes in his life which led to him having some emotional insecurities and a bit of trauma. Because of the nature of the book as well as all my free time on spring break...and this point in my life, and being close to the ocean, I've thought a lot about my life. and how crazy the ocean is... and how it's so deep! and how it's been around for so long and we still don't know basically anything about it when it covers most of our planet. There really is something about the ocean; its history, depth and mystery that makes me reflect my life and think about my past and imagine my future...which has really got me thinking...
I can't sit here and act like I have had an extremely difficult life like Charlie, because I haven't. I have been raised in a pretty privileged home with a great and loving family. I have some amazing friends and have been on some amazing adventures. Sure, not everything is perfect and we all have had our trials, troubles, and secrets... But I couldn't help but to try to put myself in Charlies shoes and think about love and happiness and life.
The book has some really good quotes in the book that really inspired me and were quite thought provoking
"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if someone else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."
"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and i'm still trying to figure out how that can be"
"And all the books you've read have been read by other people and all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people and that girl that's pretty to you is pretty o other people. and you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing "unity".
It's like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you feel mad. And all you want is to feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you're happy, too."
I guess the reason all of this is so significant to me right now is because I'm about to make some major life changes. I'm about to graduate from Utah State University and end a period where I have had the most amazing four years of my whole life. And leave a lot of people that mean so much to me and just not really see them anymore because we are all moving on with our lives. and it sorta just makes me sad. I realize things can't always stay the same. I'm like a real adult now I guess... even though I don't feel like it. I still feel like a small child because I'm still not really sure how I can make everything I want to do with my life a reality.
I've really thought about what happiness means to me. and how sometimes you can be both happy and sad. and how humans really DO accept the love they think they deserve, whether that is good or bad. and how some people in their lives really do go through some really terrible things. and I guess... I don't know. I guess we are all "Charlie's", trying to find our way through life. Trying to get the person that won't love us back. and trying to please our parents while trying to fit in at school. and not always being confident in something that we are really amazing at. and writing to someone who might not ever know or understand us. and having a real passion for something that sometimes people don't understand. and that things don't always make sense, or necessarily work out how we expected, but that's life. and that's what makes it exciting.
Moral of the story... read Perks of Being a Wallflower. And go to the ocean.
But like I always say... "...Things change. Friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody." -Charlie
