Pretty Much Perfect.

It has been a long time since I last blogged
I have thought about how I should a lot... but I couldn't get myself to sit down and do it. 

I've been looking at a lot of blogs/instagrams/social medias lately and I have found a common theme of all the bloggers out there, and how it appears to me that they all lead perfect lives. They dress impeccably, have the most gorgeous children, and wake up at 5:45 am to go to the gym and post a picture of their perfectly balanced breakfast.
It made me feel quite inadequate to blog, and sort of in life in general.  I mean, obviously I'm not a fashion blogger, nor could I ever be, or want to be for that matter, but they all seem to be just so perfect, right? So I have been trying to convince myself that is a stupid reason to stop blogging, because I don't do it for other people, I do it for myself, really.  I don't keep a journal or anything like that, so a blog is the best record of my most random thoughts I have over the years. 

While I was looking at others blogs, I just found myself asking "seriously? is this really your life? Do you always look like this? Do you always eat like that? Can you really afford to dress yourself/your child like that?" and I just have to keep reminding myself that the answer has to be no.  

Social media is giving me serious brain damage apparently.  of course people aren't all they are portrayed in their best pictures.  But sheesh... it seems like a lot of pressure.  

Like I said, I certainly do NOT consider myself a "blogger" at all! but I find people always commenting on things like Instagram saying  "oh my gosh you guys are perfect!" "You look so good" "I want your life" etc.  I am not here to brag and say that everyone wants my life (i'm 99% sure no one would actually want my life), but even I fell into feeling this pressure of looking, acting, and portraying myself in a certain way.  Like people would literally be disappointed in me if I gained any of my weight back, or people would hate knowing that Bryan and I (although we are very much in love) have certainly had our share of goof ups and arguments. and of course I have with both of those things! but it's like I can't let people know.

Now, I'm not going to do anything drastic like delete all my social media, because I really do enjoy it.  I don't want to get rid of it completely because it occasionally drives me crazy. It's a good way to stay in touch, or see pictures of amazing & beautiful places (and there are a lot of great whale pictures on instragram), but I don't even know what to do.  I know I can't be alone with this sense of pressure.  I read an article not too long ago about people who take a lot of selfies RARELY post the first one they take- they take  tons, sometimes literally hundreds before they get the perfect picture they find worthy of showing to the world.  If I posted the first picture I took, it's usually an accidental frontward facing camera and all I see is my double chin and up my nose.  Now, I probably wouldn't be getting tons of "I want your life" after a picture like that. 

Of course I like getting nice comments and positive feedback on my pictures.  I love comments that say "I love you two!" and even a nice one like "you look so pretty" if I happened to get ready and felt good that day!  but I almost cringe at ones that say "you are perfect".  Seriously. I love my life, and I feel extremely blessed, and I am happy, but please don't get confused and think my life is perfect, because it certainly isn't, and I don't want the pressure to have to pretend that it is.  

I'm done comparing myself to other people based on pictures and thinking my life is lame if I'm not traveling to far away countries and eating expensive food.  I have never been happier with my tight-budget, occasionally messy, basically standard routine, hilariously ridiculous life.  

and with that, I don't "want" anybody else's life.